


All My Ailing

by nickyz



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Insomnia, Light Angst, Nightmares, Post-Canon, living after being dead for 3000 years is a bit difficult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23645341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickyz/pseuds/nickyz
Summary: what does it feel like to feel nothing? how do you describe a sensation that doesn't exist?
Relationships: Atem/Mutou Yuugi, Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	All My Ailing

"Atem?"

The Pharaoh in question jumps in pure shock, as if he's been caught misbehaving, though he hardly has the energy to do so. He looks to the side in a rush, bangs falling over one eye… only to see the voice was just Gramps. He looks pointedly back at the television, 'relaxing' once more. 

With no response from Atem, Gramps gives his own sharp glance at the television- or rather, the clock next to it. "It's two in the morning!" He gestures wildly, speaking in a scolding whisper. Atem is unphased, plum eyes gazing around unfocused.

"Is it?" Atem drawls tiredly, going to take another sip from the mug in his hands… only to find it empty. How long had it been empty? 

Gramps eyes him suspiciously, moving closer to see his face more clearly in the flashing light of the TV. Under his thick black lashes are almost-as-dark bags, making him look akin to a corpse. Better not to voice that comparison, considering his past.

"How long, exactly, have you been awake?"

Atem blinks slowly, absently. "What day is it?"

"...Friday."

"Oh," The Pharaoh replies without the least bit of interest. "A new record. My old one was four consecutive days."

Gramps remembered  _ that _ clearly enough- four days into Atem's return from the dead, and he'd finally collapsed in the kitchen from exhaustion. Thank goodness their friend Jonouchi had been visiting and was fast enough to catch him before his head cracked off the floor. 

"I thought you'd kicked that habit! You're  _ still _ not sleeping?" Gramps got in front of Atem now, blocking the glare of the TV. Had he been aware, he would have confronted Atem much earlier. 

"It's not a  _ habit, _ " Atem stopped to yawn, and Gramps cringed at just how loud it was. "I literally cannot sleep."

"...What?"

"I spent 3,000 years not doing it, so now I just don't know how. I've been waiting to pass out against my will since day two this time." Atem sets his empty mug on the small table behind Gramps. 

Gramps furrowed his brow, then plopped down next to Atem, clicking off the TV. Atem didn't react, likely not even aware of the electronic at this point. He placed a gentle hand on the Pharaoh's shoulder, and realized with a wave of sadness that he was  _ trembling  _ from being so worn out. He probably wasn't even aware that he was.

"Yugi liked to… hear stories as a kid, to help him sleep." Gramps started awkwardly, feeling strange under Atem's blank gaze. "Would you like to hear one?" 

"I'm not that fond of fairy tales." 

"Who said anything about fantasy?" Gramps winked at him. "I've never told you about the day I explored your tomb, have I?" 

Atem's eyes finally showed a hint of interest in the waking world around him, and he leaned subconsciously against Gramps' side. "You have not." 

Gramps whistled. "Well, it's one heck of a doozy! I was just a young man at the time, hellbent on being the first to solve the  _ dreaded _ Shadow Games…" Gramps' voice gently trailed off into distant mumbling as Atem felt the familiar yet unfamiliar feeling of weightlessness enter his bones. With a heavy sigh, sleep finally welcomed him.

* * *

The first thing Atem noticed when he woke up was he was very, very cold. Not unusual- his soul room always seemed to have some kind of draft, so you were never able to be fully comfortable within. But he didn't feel the familiar stone walls and endless staircases around himself, only the feeling of, well… absolutely nothing.

Is it possible to feel  _ nothing _ ? Nothing at all? It had to be, because Atem couldn't describe this sensation any other way. Or not-sensation. Whatever. Slowly, as if scanning for danger, he observed the room around him… posters on the wall, a window next to a small desk, where a half-finished golden puzzle of some sort lay…

Wait.

The Millennium Puzzle? 

Yes, yes it had to be! Atem tried to move closer, only for a figure to appear in the desk chair as he did so- it was Yugi. Dressed in his pajamas, tiredly picking at puzzle pieces with a hint of fierce determination. Atem, again, approached…

"Is someone there?" Yugi exclaimed as he shot up in his seat, sensing he wasn't alone in his room. When he looked, however, he could find nothing. Atem realized with a pang that Yugi looked straight through him. Couldn't Yugi see him? 

Atem tried to look at himself, to confirm he was still indeed himself, but found there was nothing to  _ see.  _ He  _ was nothing. _

All at once, a feeling like suffocating ensnared him, burned up his lungs and made his non-existent heart ache from strain. He was back in the puzzle, back before it had ever been solved, stuck in the purgatory of his soul room prison, endlessly building the maze, corridor after corridor, door after door after…

* * *

Atem awoke with not even a gasp, shooting up like a catapult in bed. When had he crawled into bed? What happened to his soul room, his maze, the neverending work to be done there? Why did Yugi put him back in the puzzle, the puzzle that should no longer exist in the first place?

"Atem!" Something shook him by his shoulders roughly, and his eyes finally snapped into focus and reality. There, in reality, he saw Yugi-  _ his partner _ \- staring wide-eyed at him, fingers digging harshly into his tanned skin. "Atem?" He said again, softer now, recognizing that Atem had finally come to.

Atem, shaking though unaware of it, looked down. He could see himself again, and he flexed his fingers where they rested on his knees. "What happened?" 

"That's what I wanted to ask  _ you, _ " Yugi sighed, dropping his hands. "Did you have a nightmare?" 

A nightmare. "Yes, I… I believe so." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Yugi still looked at him with a worried frown, and Atem remembered how exhausted he felt. He lay back down in his spot, cringing when he felt the damp remnants of nightmare sweating. Yugi followed suit, not breaking eye contact. 

"I thought I was back in the puzzle."

Yugi raised an eyebrow.

"Before- before it was completed, I mean. When I was just a shadow, with no heart to borrow yet." Atem elaborated quickly, and Yugi's brow lowered in comprehension. 

"You've never talked about that time. I thought you just couldn't remember it, or something." Yugi brushed a stray hair out of Atem's face. Atem let him. 

"I… try not to think about it." He admitted, turning onto his other side, not wanting to look at Yugi for this kind of conversation. It was a darker part of his past. "I was just a mindless ghost, forever building that maze, unable to feel or think about anything except expanding it infinitely. To lock my memories away as deep as I could." Atem shuddered. "If I try to put how it feels to  _ not _ feel into words, I just think it felt… cold." 

Slim arms wrapped around his torso, and a warm front pressed against his back. Atem relaxed involuntarily. 

"I'm sorry it took me so long to get you out of there, other me." 

"You've got nothing to apologize for." Atem mumbled in weak protest, knowing Yugi wouldn't listen.

"I'll make it up to you," Yugi did indeed ignore him. "are you still cold now?" 

Atem pondered the question, then smiled. "No." 

Yugi smiled back. "Good." 

  
  
  


"...Hey, partner?"

"Yeah?"

"Did… Gramps carry me in here?"

Yugi laughed behind him. 

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to post again so i touched up an old short thinggg enjoy
> 
> title is from puzzle heart by mr kitty
> 
> edit: adding my twitter to all my fics so you can follow me [here](https://twitter.com/chaosblast_)


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